No F’s Given!

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Hey guys how are we all doing this week?, hope you enjoyed your weekend. I wish you all love and prosperity this week. This weeks blog is my point of view of the current situation and the effects it’s having on me and my Mental health. Please like, comment, share and follow me on all my platforms and of course my blog, how else will you keep update on what’s happening! 💋💄💋

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“One of those years”

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At the moment I’ll just say it change the saying from “One of those days”, to “One of those years”. Then am gonna jump right in and say when will this be over. I’ve been dealing with the situation as best we can like most here in the U.K we are in another lockdown. Which I find strange to be honest as the rules makes no sense do this don’t do that, errrrr. They contradict each other and from my perspective I think far more should and still can be done to actually control this Virus 🦠.

Since having my baby who is now nearly 2. She has been diagnosed with sickle cell disease, tbh I’ve been struggling with my mental health. I cry myself to sleep without knowing why or what am crying about, and those are the good nights because at least I get some sleep. I feel very low in mood and almost wanting to not get up at all. I work because I have too and it’s a distraction but am starting to find it hard to concentrate. Now I know people say we should be thankful me and my children are healthy and well, they say we’re the lucky ones. It doesn’t feel that way, I’ve never been the one out clubbing, staying over at friends a lot, etc. However I do enjoy going swimming with my babies walks, and how about not wearing a mask all day everyday just to complete normal task. Maybe next time before telling someone not to moan or look at the bright side think if their OKAY they may be drowning in a sea of depression or anxiety 😥.

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Your birthday is cancelled?

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Telling your children their birthdays aren’t going to be the same. The looks on their faces as they know they aren’t able to see their friends or go to school it’s heartbreaking and overwhelming to say the least, feeling useless and not knowing how to protect my children from this virus while wanting them to have a life, is hard and am sinking deeper. Wanting to get out of a cold dark place is seeming harder and harder. I’ve been going through some changes in my life, an emotional transition am at the point where I give to others what I receive no more explanations or arguments, no discussions (banging my head off a brick wall), agreeing to disagree once offend I cut them off Simple 🖕🏾👌🏾. Since her birth me and her father broke up it’s been nearly two years. Challenges of juggling parenting three children of different ages, homeschooling, meetings, hospital appointments etc. It’s like am only a treadmill that just never STOPS. Depression and anxiety comes hand in hand, my condition affects my confidence, it stops me being 100% all the time. Life becomes a little bit harder it can make you loose your self-esteem and motivation, how do I get out of this vicious circle ⭕️.

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Depression and OCD?

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Many people think Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, is about checking the locks on the doors, repetitive actions with how we clean but it is so much more. It’s to overthink the smallest situations obsessing over every possible detail and outcome, it’s to worry every-time you have to do something out of your control like sending your children to school so you watch the clock and sit at the window at the same time everyday to see him get off the bus, it’s your heart pounding when the bus drives off and you don’t see you boy but then you realise his already crossed the road and is at your door.

It’s choosing loneliness over companionship because you aren’t able to tolerate things that go agains your obsession like some who forgets to put things in the bin. When coupled with depression it’s a dangerous combination leading to people isolating and thinking they are too much for others to deal with. It’s not allowing yourself to make mistakes and wanting to die when you do.

I Need Help!

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Everything became too much, for me to handle so I started thinking I need help professional help. I started to disconnect from anyone or anything bad for me family and friends include. When am up late I research for my blogs and I find ways to distract myself. I’ve been working on me, I called my Doctor I made an appointment to see a counsellor. Am tired of being used and abused by the people I help so I cut them off like a tumour would rather die alone and happy than be undermined as misunderstood by the people who mean me no good mentally or emotionally 🖤✨🖤✨🖤

I refuse to sit here saying everything is fine as it ain’t, I don’t like not going out with my kids, I hate not having my hair done, or my nails. The thing I wish the most is my baby had no SICKLE CELL DISEASE 🦠 I want her to never feel pain.

While I write this blog with my eyes filled with tears I hate Coronavirus as you all probably do too. Yes there are some positives and I’ve also stuck with that in all my post however I am honest with you all every-time we, our children don’t deserve this bull crap. The number of people dying from suicide is sickening there needs to be more support given. We shouldn’t be left when asking for help for so long.

Facts about mental health

• At the end of November, there were 1,370,863 people in contact with services; the majority of these (961,293) were in contact with adult mental health services. There were 301,383 people in contact with children and young people’s mental health services and 154,144 in contact with learning disabilities and autism services.
• 348,718 new referrals were received into services during November and 2,017,386 care contacts were attended.
• 20,688 people were subject to the Mental Health Act at the end of November, including 14,672 people detained in hospital. Source NHS.uk

Please use the links, provided for information related to the mental health services within the NHS. This is a Illness and mental ill health affects our economy and communities . My advice get help or try too Speak 🗣 to someone whom you trust, don’t be afraid 😱 to cry 😭 or Scream, my thoughts don’t stop and my minds on overload.

Thanks for reading. P.s please leave a comment and share see you again next week. Xoxo 💋